Here I
am. Waiting. For what, I do not know… Then again, I do not
know much yet.
What
a beautiful world I live in. Warm,
comfortable, secure. Acceptance
radiating from everywhere I turn. Is
everyone this happy? I don’t think so. They’re
not where I am anymore.
Why
do things have to change? Once perfect
bliss is grasped, how is it lost? Is it
a trick of God, or entirely a person’s fault?
It is said that life is a wheel, turning round and round, but will it
never stop? Perhaps, if it does cease,
so will life… maybe… happiness goes with how you handle the turn of the wheel…
I
do not ever want to go far from home. The cord which binds me to it is stronger
than all the rope and all the twine made by man. Love.
What a wonderful word. It
encompasses all thought, all feeling, all senses. Love. It surpasses age and
time, social class and race, religion and belief. Probably the only thing constant in this world
is love. This one word which brings the
greatest men to their knees, encouraged weak souls to stand and proclaim their
individuality! can also put to rest arms raised between nations and put brother
beside brother, on the same lever, in the same height. Love.
To be in love, and not in-love, is what everyone wants. And I have it.
From
this point in my life, everything is possible.
I have so much potential, I have so much hope. I am the future! I will set to right whatever
mistakes others have committed before me, and continue the good another has
started. I am strong. I have courage. No one will stop me for I am in the
Right. Others will join and we will
succeed until Paradise Lost is Paradise Found.
ouch
How
beautiful I am. With my new-found sight
I look at myself and see God’s gift in flesh.
These hands for helping, these arms for protection, my shoulders for
comfort, my whole being for others. Just
as my mother was for me.
The
darkness soothes the sudden crushing pain slowly crawling through my body…
I
feel my heart beat-beat-beating with my blood pound-poun-pounding through my
vessels. Filling me with warmth and energy. Making me live.
Why
is it that something pulls me from this abyss?
I do not want to leave yet! I should not leave yet… now is not my time
yet! I should know.
NO!
No,
I will not allow this! Mommy! I’m not
ready! I’ll die! I’ll die! I’ll… die… Mommy… do you want me to die?
Mommy…
I love you! Mommy…
And
still it pulls… and still, it pulls me…
Now,
I do not have to wait. Now I know of
happiness and love; now I know of pain. Now I join all the rest who will forget
such happiness existed. Now I will join those who will be never experience it
again. Now I join those who will be forgotten.
My wheel is stuck in a rut on the road of life with no hope of ever
being lifted. The cord which binds me
can only be severed by the hand that holds it… and love is vanquished for a
future in the Paradise Lost. This
beauty’s features will be mangled and torn, of no use for others. The blood shall halt, and this heart will
stop.
The
light is harsh compared to the dark.
I
love you, mommy.
Perhaps
the greatest tragedy is death brought about by the being which created you.
(July 1998)
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